The Obsessive Photographer

These will NOT cure your computer.

So I got a virus, and it serves me right. I had let my virus protection lapse in my “It’ll never happen to me” mindset.

In all the time I’ve had a computer and internet access nothing has ever happened…not even a blip on the radar. So in my infinite wisdom I figured I really didn’t need it. I guess I was wrong.

My internet browser was hijacked. I could put “Kittens” into Google and I’d get a million “Kitten” links…the problem is they all went to other websites. This is not a problem if you’re looking for “Kittens” on SHOPZILLA.com, but unfortunately I just wasn’t in the market.

It wasn’t long before the whole thing started acting funky. Pop ups started advising me my machine was going to burst into flames at any moment unless I bought “Windows Police Pro”. It was incredibly hard to tell what was an actual Windows alert and a fake one. Every one that I closed down brought up two more. This was bad. Very bad.

So I did what every dude would do…blindly started poking around trying to “fix” the issue. I quickly renewed my virus protection. Guess what? Viruses that have already taken up residence on your hard drive don’t like getting the eviction notice. Pretty soon it was completely down. Crap.

Fast forward 48 hours without a computer. Here I am, frazzled, less hair, dark circles under my eyes…but with a functioning system again. It was simple, really. Here’s how it went:

I paid $95 for a house call from an “I.T. Professional” who would be able to diagnose and fix my problem in no time. He left with the system “working” after an hour and a half, took my money and the computer promptly crashed again within one hour. (mental note…get money back).

Another $69 to upgrade my virus protection suite, including telephone support (yay!)

Spent 9 HOURS (no, I’m not kidding) on the phone with software provider installing, reinstalling, uninstalling (”are you sure, sir, that you have checked the box which says REFRESH?” “Yes, yes I am” I say as patiently as possible) checking, rechecking…

Tried very hard not to cry when the [expletive deleted] Tech [expletive deleted] Support person told me they have exhausted their abilities. I would have to pay for a “Virus Removal” session for $89.00 with a [expletive deleted] Senior Tech Support Representative. That’s $253 if you’re keeping count.

Could this really be happening?

I begrudgingly paid the $89 and got my session started, surrendering my mouse and keyboard to their remote host. For a full hour I watched this guy race lightning fast through my machine…uploading and wielding programs with names like “The Avenger” (a blazing sword under the logo). Not exactly my thoughts of Saturday night entertainment.

Then it was over. He turned the controls over to my hands, nearly crippled from internet withdrawls. The fix was quick and sweet. My baby was back again, purring like a kitten.

There are many morals to this story, and I believe they’re all self explanatory. I can tell you this was a perfect wake up call though, no serious damage to anything but my psyche. I’ll keep up my protection from now on, and I highly recommend everyone else do the same. Viruses stink…bad.

Doing another photo shoot for the Art Institute of Tampa Culinary Team tomorrow…I have my machine back just in time.